Another year has come and gone--and I'm left feeling the whiplash of it. 2015 had ups, it had downs, and it had moments where I was lying on my back wanting it to all end.
I remember being a kid, thinking that January to December was a long stretch of time, that my birthday would never arrive, that Thanksgiving was far away, that Christmas was out of reach. Now I know how quickly time flies, how my life is passing before my eyes and there isn't anything I can do to stop it.
The blur of time frightens me. I won't pretend I'm a happy person. I'm not. My place of employment, while I'm grateful for income, is not where I want to be--yet I have no reply when someone asks me what I want out of life. I'm not making enough money to support myself. College isn't even on the list of goals right now, I don't feel drawn to apply to schools and sit in lectures and take test after test while money I don't have is spent. I have no direction academically and career-wise.
My dating life is down the toilet, and I'm the one who flushed. I don't believe I will ever connect with someone, fall in love. I've mentioned this before. Some say I'm just afraid, and maybe I am. But that doesn't help me in matters of the heart.
So here comes 2016. It'll be here in a short amount of days. I know some say it's silly to wait for the new year to come to make changes to your life. Each day is a new one. We can all start in the morning, and make the next 24 hours different than the last. But something is so appealing about starting a new year with goals to make the whole year extraordinary. A whole year worthwhile, can you imagine that?
My goals never change. Get closer to God, live a better life, write more, read more, find someone who can tear down my walls, who makes me want to be with them.
Sometimes I wonder if my goals are too broad. I never know where to begin.
